My journey with Christ

If you ask me a year ago, what do I imagine my 30s will be, I will answer without a doubt that I will be a mom, raising my child while working and serving God. When I started on this journey of trying to conceive , it never crosses my mind that I will be struggling, why not? because none of my family members have trouble conceiving. They all have at least 2 children, so why would I be an exception? It has been 1 year and 2 months since we have embarked on this journey and it has been the most painful , difficult and lonely journey I have ever been in. The emotion rollercoaster month after month is just unbearable and my heart goes out to all women who are also in this journey. To top it off, my colleague who is a lot older than me is now pregnant, my friends who were in the same journey as me are now also pregnant and I am still barren. I have literally lost friends who I feel like I can share with, can understand how I feel and can walk this journey together with me. When I think of ...

This year has been an interesting year so far, and for me, it has been a year full of turns and surprises. I wouldn't call myself a control freak, but certainly I would like to have some control in my life. When my plan has been turned around, one would imagine that it will cause me a lot of stress and anxiety. This is exactly what this year is all about.  When I envision 2020, I imagine that this year I would : 1. get pregnant or at least deliver a baby  2. visit Italy 3. continue my postgrad degree and working towards finishing it well, at least that was my plan.  But God has a completely different plan for us. My husband and I have been struggling to conceive for over a year now, and yes we have been to multiple doctors, try many different things, to which only brings pain and stress. We have decided finally that we will give it a break. Of course when I say a break , it is not really a break completely because as much as I would love for my brain ...

Another month has passed since I last posted about how I feel on my journey of trying to conceive. The previous cycle was quite devastating, I think I have reached my limit. I got angry at God, disappointed, frustrated and I felt bitter. I can't explain why I feel this way . I thought I will never be angry at God. After all isn't it silly to be angry at Him when He is all we have? I couldn't bring myself to pray, to hope and to have faith. I still believe that God is real and all, but I think my faith in this journey has been shaken terribly. Previous months, I was still able to pray to Him, able to still trust that He will bring forth His promises in my life. However, this month my faith was challenged. I could truly feel the spiritual war inside me. A part of me wanted to hold on to God and another part of me wanted to abandon this hope and faith thing altogether. This anger and disappointment lasted about 2 weeks since I found out that I am not pregnant (again). One da...

After we got married, my husband and I decided that we want to wait 1 year before we try to have baby. The reason behind this because my husband is not ready financially but also i am not ready mentally. I never thought that God will change my heart. I am always worried if I will not be a good mum, in fact, I never like children. I prayed to God that He will change me, so that I will be ready to be a mum. and he did just that. I am ready.  Finally, we both are ready. First month , I thought it would be easy. my work colleague who is much older than me conceived in the first go, surely if I follow her "way" I will be able to get pregnant. On my first month, I was hopeful. Especially my sister told me her dream of me having a baby and another friend who previously told me that I am holding a baby at my sister's wedding which was 6 months away. However, first month was horrible, not only I wasn't pregnant, my period pain was so bad and my period was a week late. Tha...

The year is about to end and i just want to recap all the good things the Lord has brought into my life this year . Earlier this year i got married to the man whom i have been praying for. He is far from perfect , in fact our relationship is far from perfect but i am grateful that God answered my prayers for a life partner who continuously seek His will and a man who works hard and loves his family. Our multiple weddings went smoothly We had our honeymoon in March then in April we had 2 weddings in one week after another , one in Medan and one in China. Im grateful for my family members who love me so much and prepared all this for me as well as my new acquired family members who treated me like their own.  This year i have also led a group in BSF, it was a struggle in the beginning of the year with many members dropping out , but thankful that God brought new members and we were able to bond very well.  In August, we bought a new car and again i just want to thank God fo...

Yesterday night, we had a combined lifegroup night where all young adults gathered and listened to Pastor sharing about the area of relationship. While the whole content is so good, i would like to share a particular section that helped me during this season of my life. Decision making framework. I am in the season where there are so many things to decide, for eg. should i move out from the current place we stay? When should we have kids? should i invest in this ? etc and many more in the coming months Hence this is the list: 1. Supremacy of scriptures : the word from God that direct this decision 2. spirit of the seeker : what is the motive behind this decision? do we come to God with the right motive and open heart? 3. Patience in prayer : will we persevere and wait in prayers? 4. Council of mature Christians : what do other godly Christian think about this decision? 5. Comfirmation of circumstances 6. Discipline of decision making 7. Presence of peace 8. signs of spirit ...

I got married on 24th Feb 2018 to a man that i have been praying for. Until today it still feels surreal that i am married and blessed with a man like him. I still remember those years i was struggling with relationships and my confidence in myself was very low. Now to think about that, it seems like a long time ago. What have i learnt throughout this whole wedding journey? 1. I have learnt that preparing a wedding is a hard work, but preparing a marriage is so much more important. To those girls out there who said that wedding preparation is fun, hmm... i salute you . Haha there were so many choices to be made, and there were so many things to think about. It makes me wonder, what does it take to build a godly marriage ? I believe it is through much more hardwork and prayers. Sometimes i wonder, have we missed the real marriage ? Couples spent so many hours preparing for their wedding yet so little effort in maintaining their marriage. Because of all this wedding planning i know th...