My journey with Christ

If you ask me a year ago, what do I imagine my 30s will be, I will answer without a doubt that I will be a mom, raising my child while working and serving God. When I started on this journey of trying to conceive , it never crosses my mind that I will be struggling, why not? because none of my family members have trouble conceiving. They all have at least 2 children, so why would I be an exception? It has been 1 year and 2 months since we have embarked on this journey and it has been the most painful , difficult and lonely journey I have ever been in. The emotion rollercoaster month after month is just unbearable and my heart goes out to all women who are also in this journey. To top it off, my colleague who is a lot older than me is now pregnant, my friends who were in the same journey as me are now also pregnant and I am still barren. I have literally lost friends who I feel like I can share with, can understand how I feel and can walk this journey together with me. When I think of

This year has been an interesting year so far, and for me, it has been a year full of turns and surprises. I wouldn't call myself a control freak, but certainly I would like to have some control in my life. When my plan has been turned around, one would imagine that it will cause me a lot of stress and anxiety. This is exactly what this year is all about.  When I envision 2020, I imagine that this year I would : 1. get pregnant or at least deliver a baby  2. visit Italy 3. continue my postgrad degree and working towards finishing it well, at least that was my plan.  But God has a completely different plan for us. My husband and I have been struggling to conceive for over a year now, and yes we have been to multiple doctors, try many different things, to which only brings pain and stress. We have decided finally that we will give it a break. Of course when I say a break , it is not really a break completely because as much as I would love for my brain to stop th