Now is good
Past few months have been draining months, well.. I guess I have been saying this a lot for the whole year because indeed this year has been huge year for me... Moving job, getting PR, buying house, become cell group leader and bible group leader. Major things all happened in a year! Inevitably, not only my mental is affected, my spiritual life is affected in a negative way as well especially this past few months.
Dont know since when my passion for God, church, and ministry is downgrading. I started to be scared of so many things in life such as will I be able to pay the mortgage, will I ever have saying to go for holiday, how do I juggle between ministry and moving to stay in suburb, how do I move house,should I use this or that insurance, how do I buy a car, bla bla bla.. and one of my silly worries also includes will I ever meet a guy in my life cos I heard people saying that wow.. sheila is so strong, she manages to do everything herself, and it just scares the hell out of a guy, hahaha.. sometimes I have to be strong, I dont have the choice. But anyway, yea.. so there are so many worries in my head that everytime when I woke up, I dont have the desire to live my life.. cos everyday is full of responsibility. it got worse to the point that for the last few days I havent been having enough sleep because I keep on waking up and I dreaded waking up because that is the time when all the worries start to attack me.
I started to read the bible and pray less too because everytime when I read it, there are things to do that came up and I have to deal with it. I am a fast paced person, I need to get everything done quickly and dont like having things hanging. ( I will be moving on march, but I have packed half of my room already even though I still cant move the stuff, so you see how urgent I am yea?). I believe this is the main reason why I felt so drain, well.. I did try my best cos I know being with God is the best and there is no one who can give me the satisfaction other than Him. But sometimes... things get complicated.
Because I am so busy with my own things, the only time I get to rest is at night, and all I do is watching movies. Literally. I feel like that is when I dont have to think about anything and that is the best, so I ended up watching movies every single night. Can you believe that? I feel so ashamed when I tell this out loud. this is like "behind the scene". When people see me, they may thought, oh.. this girl must be reading or at least doing sth productive at night but the reality isnt like that. I rarely do sport anymore, I rarely cook, or clean, and I become so lazy.
My worries and stress got worse and worse day by day....
A few days ago, as I was packing my stuff, I found my notebook. It was from earlier this year and I read it again. I felt like I was reading someone else's notebook. It was filled with verses, sermon notes, prayer lists (for people), and I can feel the passion that I had at that time. All of the sudden, I miss my old me.. suddenly I feel that I want that kind of feeling back. the old sheila that put her ministry first,God's kingdom first, the old sheila that does things for people, the old me, not the one right now. Then I started to listen to podcasts. I like to listen to Steven Furtick's sermon.
Today I listened to the "waiting room" series. the title of this particular sermon is something like: when I am waiting, I need to get going.
It hit me and it gave me revelation.
I realise that I have always been thinking that when I have this, I will be happier. After I get this, then I will do that. I was so full of myself, my own plan that I started to complain and forget to give praise.
I forgot to enjoy the ride. I forgot to see the plan that God has for me today. I realise that I am selfish, and I am not living a righteous life.
Today, I made up my mind that this is what I am going to do:
Enjoy every single moment that I have, resist complaining and replace with praises, start my routine back with God, and get busy (with God's work)
Seek first The kingdom of God and His righteousness and everything else will be given unto you. Matt 3:33. ( I forgot this simple yet powerful verse and today God reminded me about it again).
So yea.. I will start to love my life . haha.
"Our detour is often God's destination" - Holly Furtick.
"preoccupying yourself with fulfulling God's purpose instead of escaping your problem"-Holly Furtick.
"what seems to be pointless or unending waiting , most of the times it is God's most productive workroom"- Steven Furtick.
Halelujah,
Orange Girl =)
Dont know since when my passion for God, church, and ministry is downgrading. I started to be scared of so many things in life such as will I be able to pay the mortgage, will I ever have saying to go for holiday, how do I juggle between ministry and moving to stay in suburb, how do I move house,should I use this or that insurance, how do I buy a car, bla bla bla.. and one of my silly worries also includes will I ever meet a guy in my life cos I heard people saying that wow.. sheila is so strong, she manages to do everything herself, and it just scares the hell out of a guy, hahaha.. sometimes I have to be strong, I dont have the choice. But anyway, yea.. so there are so many worries in my head that everytime when I woke up, I dont have the desire to live my life.. cos everyday is full of responsibility. it got worse to the point that for the last few days I havent been having enough sleep because I keep on waking up and I dreaded waking up because that is the time when all the worries start to attack me.
I started to read the bible and pray less too because everytime when I read it, there are things to do that came up and I have to deal with it. I am a fast paced person, I need to get everything done quickly and dont like having things hanging. ( I will be moving on march, but I have packed half of my room already even though I still cant move the stuff, so you see how urgent I am yea?). I believe this is the main reason why I felt so drain, well.. I did try my best cos I know being with God is the best and there is no one who can give me the satisfaction other than Him. But sometimes... things get complicated.
Because I am so busy with my own things, the only time I get to rest is at night, and all I do is watching movies. Literally. I feel like that is when I dont have to think about anything and that is the best, so I ended up watching movies every single night. Can you believe that? I feel so ashamed when I tell this out loud. this is like "behind the scene". When people see me, they may thought, oh.. this girl must be reading or at least doing sth productive at night but the reality isnt like that. I rarely do sport anymore, I rarely cook, or clean, and I become so lazy.
My worries and stress got worse and worse day by day....
A few days ago, as I was packing my stuff, I found my notebook. It was from earlier this year and I read it again. I felt like I was reading someone else's notebook. It was filled with verses, sermon notes, prayer lists (for people), and I can feel the passion that I had at that time. All of the sudden, I miss my old me.. suddenly I feel that I want that kind of feeling back. the old sheila that put her ministry first,God's kingdom first, the old sheila that does things for people, the old me, not the one right now. Then I started to listen to podcasts. I like to listen to Steven Furtick's sermon.
Today I listened to the "waiting room" series. the title of this particular sermon is something like: when I am waiting, I need to get going.
It hit me and it gave me revelation.
I realise that I have always been thinking that when I have this, I will be happier. After I get this, then I will do that. I was so full of myself, my own plan that I started to complain and forget to give praise.
I forgot to enjoy the ride. I forgot to see the plan that God has for me today. I realise that I am selfish, and I am not living a righteous life.
Today, I made up my mind that this is what I am going to do:
Enjoy every single moment that I have, resist complaining and replace with praises, start my routine back with God, and get busy (with God's work)
Seek first The kingdom of God and His righteousness and everything else will be given unto you. Matt 3:33. ( I forgot this simple yet powerful verse and today God reminded me about it again).
So yea.. I will start to love my life . haha.
"Our detour is often God's destination" - Holly Furtick.
"preoccupying yourself with fulfulling God's purpose instead of escaping your problem"-Holly Furtick.
"what seems to be pointless or unending waiting , most of the times it is God's most productive workroom"- Steven Furtick.
Halelujah,
Orange Girl =)
Playing Devil's advocate here (do not take this as an offence, just some food for thought):
ReplyDeleteWhat make you sure when some guys avoiding the present you, it is because you are so independent? There are possibilities that they prefer the humbly, and closer to the Lord 'old' Sheila? If it is the first, don't bother with insecure man, if it is the latter what will you do...?
~G
Hey G.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your thoughts
I guess you are right. It could be that maybe smhow i have changed because so many things in my life have changed. No longer i was the old Sheila and no longer i could be that girl anymore cos i am moving forward. Whether it is changing to the bad or good, i am not sure but one thing im sure of is that currently im facing lots of stress becos there are so many things to be dealt with. As a result of that, maybe i have changed into someone with mood swing who annoys so many people? Haha.
Anw, thanks for ur input. Will keep that in mind.
who is this G? hahaa
ReplyDelete