God is my shield and my great reward - 2013 theme

Another month and 2013 is just going to be memory for all of us

For me this year has been very tough, of course like every other year there are ups and downs but this year is tough in its own way

I choose the theme of this year as
God is my shield and great reward as i can see how God sustains me throughout the whole year and though a lot of things havent changed i could proudly say that He is indeed my great reward

BSF just ended today and i am so thankful that i actually made it there for the last sharing day. I have been blessed by every single sharing and it is just comforting to see that i am not struggling on my own. It is unbelievable to see that God chose me to be involved in BSF, part of His amazing plan and purpose. Looking back,I have no regrets joining this leadership group though i have broke down so many times this year.

This year is the first time for me to :
have my own house - paying my own mortgage
Have my own oikos
lead discussion group in BSF

It is challenging for me both physically and mentally. But God never fails to pick me up every time I am down. Earlier this year i was struggling with my BSF group because they were so quiet and it was literally so dead. Totally beyond my expectation. At the same time because of this i learn to be discipline in my prayer. Slowly through months and months of persevering, God taught me to not give up easily and God opens up the way for me to lead the group the way He wants it to be. now i know that it was smooth i will take all the credits for myself. Thats y God has to break my pride down completely.

As i first own a house, paying mortgage has been a real headache for me. I never pay so much for rent. In the past i only pay a quarter of what i pay now for my rent and i was overwhelmed. I lived in miserable for a while and i was always in stress up to the point that i often get angry easily and annoyed by my sister. Some part of my heart is saying that it is so unfair that i have to work so hard to "feed" this family while im only girl. That was my selfish thinking. Then God slowly reveals my heart attitude through the study of Abraham's life. It was the part when Abr was willing to sacrifice the better part of the land for his nephew so that he could maintain peace in the household. he knew that family is much more valuable than materials. He also know that God is his provider and he has nothing to worry about. He also know that whatever his is God's. And so, what is my value? It strikes me so much that i actually found that i treasure my possessions more than my family. i felt so ashamed of myself and i realise that i had to change. Slowly God moulds me and im still work in progress, far from perfect. The amazing thing is God knows my trouble and He is trully my great reward. He literally provided what i needed. During the second half of the year, he suddenly provided me a housemate that i wasnt even looking for. Everything happens so quick and i can only say that it wont happen if it is not God's interference. Another amazing thing is that i am always able to pay the mortgage and able to pay on top of the minimum threshold.

Another major thing happens was as i have mentioned in my previous entries is the bullying. I wont go into the details but im just amazed to see the outcome. it is true when my TL said peace in the waiting and fruit in the suffering because all my suffering for His kingdom will never be in vain. Matthew 5 says blessed are those who suffered for his kingdom for they will inherit the kingdom of God. Though my circumstance doesnt change significantly but one thing i know God is my great reward. I learn to be humble,learn to be still and know that He is God,learn to respect the authority, learn to suffer together with Christ. Of cos along the way i stumble here and there, i dont always succeed but God is trully my shield. i can say with confidence that though bad things can happen in my life, i am always under His wings. That itself is my great comfort and keeps me going. My life gets so hard that i had to put a "keep going" wallpaper on my tablet to remind me to keep moving forward despite my circumstances. Guess what,I am never put to shame.

the biggest lesson of all is the lesson of waiting. I am the most impatient person ever (all my friends will agree to this part). if things wont happen as what i expect,i will straight away depend on my skill to make it happen. This is why i had to learn the hard way to be able to learn to wait. I am very much like Jacob when it comes to achieving something. this is the area that i struggle the most. For me i think God is too slow. Almost all my wishes God grants them very late. Not that God is late, no.. His help is always on time but it is just me who always hope that all things i hope happen now. Because of my stubborn attitude,i had to struggle with God like Jacob. Till now im still struggling and i am glad God doesnt give up on me just like how God struggled with Jacob till daybreak.

through all these experience, i am praying for 2014 that :

I will be more patient
I will submit to God's plan for me
I will learn to have pure and right motive
I can be more flexible and not selfish in my time,money and energy
I will continue to depend on God in all circumstances and involve Him in everything that I do

How has your year gone as you reflect on what God has brought you through ? I will be thrilled if you can share with me by sending me an email ;)

All glory to God

Orange girl ^^