I want to be honest
All this while I think I have been wearing a mask everyday of my life, or at least when dealing with other people and today i want to take off that mask and show others my true colour.
Reason behind me wearing a mask is because first, i want to avoid conflict. I dislike it if i have to be uncomfortable with other people so id rather be peaceful and avoid conflict..this means when someone says something that i disagree with, most of the time i will just go ahead, agree with them ( though initially i would disagree but when the atmosphere gets weird i will just agree ). Or maybe smtimes i just keep quiet and thought "oh well let them be if thats what they wanna think", which is also not right bcos im being arrogant and ignorant. Secondly, i think i care too much of what others think abt me. I dont want others to think how can a Christian behave such and such or i dont want others to see the dark side of me. Thirdly , i just want to run away. I want people to think im okay bcos i dont want to open up or at least feel like opening up because then i will be vulnerable.
Living like this , i realise is very tiring. Slowly it affects my prayer life and my quiet time with God. I feel like a hypocrite and no longer i can be pure in front of God and slowly i no longer spend time with God.
I want to learn to be honest, to myself and to others.
All glory to God
Orange girl :)