an update of my life : relationship and God
It's rainy day today and stormy outside and that's exactly abit like how I feel like now, which I will elaborate abit later.
I havent been updating my blog , my bad.. so much has been happening for the past 6 months and I have been busy with ministry and other stuff too.
Currently what's occupying most of my time is my new relationship, BSF ministry and church as sunday school teacher.
so lets start with my BSF ministry...
Last year I was in Young Adults Class and was already prepared to lead a group this year, unfortunately God has another plan when the teaching leaders had to step down and the meeting is moved to Friday nights, which means it clashes with my cell group. As a result, I thought that I wont be leading the group this year, but just be a member. However, God has another plan. Not long after that I got contacted by the admin leader from the Women's Class, she challenged me to consider group leader position at the Women's class and so yea.. i am finally back in the Women's class and leading there. I ve got 18 members this year, so it has been quite hectic. Therefore, only get the chance to update my blog now when it's on holiday.
Regarding my relationship.. yes you guess it, God has blessed me with a wonderful man. It is very surreal, why? I never thought that I would consider the groomsman to be my boyfriend in my friends' wedding. I was laughing at my bestfriend when she married the groomsman whom she met while she was the bridesmaid. Well.. now im in that position. Secondly, it is long distance relationship. I made up my mind that I will not do long distance anymore but yes.... this happens. it's just amazing how God brought us together and how things just happen and this is where we are now, entering our 6 months together.
When I entered this relationship, I wasnt fully prepared ie. I wasnt sure if I m making the right decision and always doubting if this works. I guess I have had trauma from my past relationships and it's causing me to have insecurities issues. It took me 3 months before I am fully convinced to post our picture on social media. It took me a long time before I am finally convinced that yes this relationship will work with God's help and God is in it. Last month was quite rough for us, we fought the most so far but thru that I was able to see that he's not giving up easily and we can fight this together. we communicate better, we understand each other a lot more, we love each other a bit more and I am thankful for that. Above all, I thank God for guiding us, for providing us the resources we need to meet each other once a month, for continuing to grow us thru this relationship, for giving parental consent in this relationship. I have seen that both of us learn to be more humble and constantly learning how to love purely without expecting anything in return, and also see that radical love changes things, we learn how to be more sacrificial, and we understand God's love for us better. Of course this relationship is not perfect, there's always the risk of any of us falling into the trap of worshipping the relationship more than God or the relationship might not end well..at the same time I learn that nothing is secure , only God's love is.
and regarding the sacrificial part.. yes, it's going to be a big shift for me.
I am considering relocation if everything goes smoothly. It is huge decision for me and it is not easy because Melbourne is now home for me. I have so much to do : looking for tenants, or leasing my whole house out, looking for new job which means im leaving the current job where I am comfortable with, looking for a new place to stay, new church , new friends. Basically start all over again. Please keep me in prayer and let my eyes fixed on Jesus. Let His will be done and not mine.
On top of that, I am abit shaken too. I got news regarding his health,something I never consider before in my life. When I thought of marriage, I always envision myself living for a long time with my partner. Never think of what happen if he has to leave way before me? the more i think about it the more i am worried and anxious, and the feeling of helplessness is the worst. But God is soooo good.. once again when I opened His Word, I was brought to Isaiah 38 where Hezekiah was ill, and was supposed to die, but God graciously added 15 years to his life. I feel that it is not coincidence that Im reading this passage at such a time as this. I dont know how long God will give his blessing of life to him, but all I know is that I have a God of impossible and hope. I have to keep trusting Him and not let any news from the world affect my faith. God has the ultimate say, not the doctor, not the test result, not the Satan. Therefore, Im choosing to anchor my faith in God, my eyes fix on Him and continue to trust in His provision and plan. I still dont know what my future holds but i know who holds my future and that is enough.
Lord I thank You for your timely help and answer to my prayers. Thank You that when it seems to be no way, You are my way. Thank you when I am helpless You are in control. Thank You that I know whatever happens, You give the best for me and You makes all things work for my good. Thank You that you holds my future and even if I walk thru the darkest valley I will not fear cos You are with me
I love you very much Jesus!
Orange girl =)