A new chapter of my life - as God has allowed and willed

What i am going to share in this post is going to be something personal and very precious to me. I guess it is also something that is vulnerable to me. Maybe you can guess it.. yes it is relationship.
Why is it vulnerable to me?
Firstly it is because being in a relationship is always my biggest weakness with my walk with God. So often my relationship with human overrides my relationship with God. I am constantly aware that i failed so many times to put God first and thus it has been quite a journey for me in this area. My previously relationship was about 5 yrs ago (i think.. i cant remember. Its been too long). And the past 5 yrs that i experienced  as you all read from my blog were not easy to go through..obviously it started out to be very difficult as it took quite sometime before i moved on from my last relationship. However, as I journeyed with God,I realise God really shapes me and helps me to be contented in every situations; especially being single. To actually come to that conclusion itself is a great testimony i guess. I am someone who cant live alone and always wishing to find a partner deep down in me. But God has guided me to a place whereby I am only contented with Him alone and thus I can say I do not mind to be celibate for God.
Secondly yes.. i am in a relationship right now (Praise the LORD) with this person. Keep in mind thou , sharing this doesnt mean that theres a guarantee that I will end up with him. I thought about it since we first started the relationship whether or not to write in in my blog. Questions like : what if hes not from the Lord , what if we break up one day, etc. Would i still be able to read my blog or would this blog still be able to be a living testimony. However i realise whether this gonna end up as a happy ending or not.. it is still part of my journey with Christ.

So here i am sharing with you my very personal story about my current relationship.
So yes I am in a relationship right now. (Yay, see im repeating) haha . It happened quite fast actually. I call him mr P so lets call him P in this blog. I wont reveal too much details about P. I knew him through my bible study. Haha i wouldnt go into the details of how we met etc but i will share how i finally agree to go out with him. 
There has always been a few principles that i hold on to ever since I ended my last relationship :
1. He has to be A Christian (with this I mean someone who actually submits his life to Christ, not just proclaiming by lips).
2. Permission from both parents (mine and his) for the relationship.
3. The relationship has to be pure and centred in God. 

So when he popped the question we agreed to ask both our parents before moving on and we also agree on some terms regarding physical contact. 

One of my biggest worry in this relationship is the difference in our culture as well as my parents do not communicate the same language as him. It will literally be the will of God for my parents to agree to it (or at least i take it as a sign from God that this relationship is ok if my parents are ok with it). To my surprise, both parents were ok with it.. they just told me that as long as P is a good guy and can provide for me they wouldnt mind.
His parents were okay with me too.
First barrier is now removed ! Yay.
What about my own confirmation from God?
Definitely i wouldnt want to be involved in a relationship that is not from God cos i know how it feels to have that guilt and peace not from Him. I have been in a short relationship whereby the person is not in Christ and i could remember everytime i was with him, my heart just felt so wrong and i never felt at peace. I couldnt even face God because I knew I wasnt obeying Him. Ever since , and through few other experiences, I now tell God im willing to be single and abandon any relationship if it brings grieve to God. 

Few things that I observe from my friendship with him (this was before we started going out) were:
1. I could have self control; God was still the first one i go to when I have problems or any thoughts. why this is very critical because in the past the first person I went to was the person that I like instead of God. I could tell 100 things to the person but only few things to God. It was very clear that it has become idolatry.
2. My spiritual life actually went uphill. Prior to knowing P, my prayer life was never in good shape, i  was in deep sinful life, I only cared about myself than actually seeking God. Well, not saying that I no longer struggle with this, but it has gone so much better. I still remember the first few topics we talked about when we know each other was about prayer and somehow that was like a turning point for me to realise how bad i had been and maybe that was because I was never serious with prayer. Since then I make a commitment to seek God as often as I can.

A few confirmations that God gave me after P asked me out were as the following :
1. P initiated that we both pray together for God's guidance in our relationship
2. there was one time i had some family problem , God actually told P to pray for my family even before i told him the story.
3. When P was given a few offers : from work and ministry, i was given God's wisdom and revelation  (prophecy) on which path he would choose (quite amazing huh)
4. Both of us are constantly making awareness to put God as the centre of relationship (sometimes i even wonder wheres the romantic part of this relationship?lol ^^)
5. Yesterday i had "low" moment whereby i started to doubt if theres really a future to this relationship. There are other reasons that i contemplated as well which i wont go in details here and honestly i didnt have good night sleep. And in the morning i had "God"moment. I really needed God to speak to me. The first thing God told me was :turn off ur music (quite off huh, but it was necessary , lol). Cos at that time i was listening to some kpop which i always do when im showering or getting ready in the bathroom. So anyway i did.
And God started revealing to me my weakness and wrong thinking. I cant remember exactly what other things we talked about but one of them was God told me : the motive of you liking this person should be to protect him, not to demand this or that or expecting this or that bcos that means you are being selfish. Love isnot supposed to be like that. The uneasiness that i felt was not a result of not getting peace from God abput the relationship but more to as a result of what i expect from the relationship that didnt turn out to be. That really hits me and i guess just another reminder that i have to constantly check my heart before i made assumption that it is from God or not from God.

I could see that this relationship is totally different from my past relationship in a way that i am constantly making the awareness and checking my heart to see where i stand before God while previously it was more to lust , or romantic stuff  or being impulsive. Trust me, being in God and putting God as the centre is the best thing you can ever experience in any relationship. Our feelings toward each other actually grow because we know God is the one who's guiding us through and through. Even though we just started dating but we already faced so many obstacles and if we were to use our own strength to walk it, we would have abandoned this relationship by now. Why? because we are just too different : different culture, different personality and likings, etc. However, again and again God shows me my weakness and in a way He is saying to me that He finally gives me this relationship because He thinks im ready to be shaped more through this relationship. Being in a relationship is not always about companion, lovey dovey stuff, or all the fun stuff, well.. that's the bonus, but God knows that through the relationship we can be shaped to be more like Jesus. which is the ultimate purpose of our lives.

Colossians 3:1, 2,5,12. (NIV)
since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God... Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry... Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothed yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 

God bless

Orange girl ^^


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