The God i know

I would like to share what I have learnt these past few days. I felt that I have grown so much in just such a small time. I shared a little bit with a brother of Christ about my struggles and I gained revelation through the wisdom that God has given to him.


I have had this personal struggle for more than 2 years ( to this point I am still not able to share what it is). The condemnation that I have toward myself is constant and ongoing. I feel that the more I walk with God the more I am condemned. Obviously being a Christian doesnt change me as a person overnight, but what I have been thinking was, once we become a Christian, our behavior, attitude and everything will change to be like Christ. However, I was not seeing any of this in my life. Throughout my years of being a Christian, I fell again and again, up to the point where I doubt whether I have the Holy Spirit in me or even worse whether I have faith in God because when I see other people becomes a Christian, their live changes but not mine.


There was even a time when I feel so ashamed to pray to God because I fell into the same problem again and again even though I have confessed that particular sin to God so many times and promise to Him that I wont repeat it. I stopped praying for that day because I just felt so bad and so filthy. I felt that God wont even listen to my prayer anymore and maybe He has already turned His back to me.


But I was wrong. He didnt, in fact, He has been waiting for me all this while.
Do you remember the story about the lost son in the bible?
There was a time when Jesus was preaching, the tax collectors and sinners gathered to listen to him. The pharisees started to complain why Jesus would eat with them and then Jesus started telling them about the parable of lost coin, lost sheep and lost son ( u can find this story in luke 15).


I want to concentrate on luke 15. The younger son went to his dad to ask for inheritance. We know that usually we are not supposed to ask for inheritance when the person is still alive yet this son already asked for his part when his dad is still alive. The dad must be very sad and gave him what he wanted. . The son then went to Spend all his money and quickly squandered all his money. He then realised that he was wrong and needed his dad. he decided to go back to his dad. This is the most amazing part. When he was still afar, his dad saw him. The dad quickly ran to him and hug him, giving him his robe, ring and sandal. The son didnt even needed to say sorry and we can obviously saw that the dad has already forgiven him. The robe means status, ring means authority. The dad gave all back to him despite his wickedness. He even celebrated his coming back.


This is just like how our God is. When we want something that is not pleasin to Him, He doesnt do anything to stop us because he gives us the free will. He knows the best for us yet he wont force us to follow him. Yet, knowing that we will ultimately sin, He still WAITED for us to come back. Even if we dont have anything else to offer to Him, even if we have disappoint Him to the core, He is still pleased when we come back to Him.


I wanna continue to 1 Samuel 17:34.
But David said to Saul, "Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. (1 Samuel 17:34-36 NIV)
This is what the Lord says:
"As a shepherd rescues from the lion's mouth
only two leg bones or a piece of an ear,
so will the Israelites living in Samaria be rescued,
with only the head of a bed
and a piece of fabric from a couch." (Amos 3:12 NIV)
This illustration shows how God will fight for us even when there's nothing left on us. We all know that a sheep has four legs , but this verse shows even if the sheep only has 2 legs and a piece of ear, God will still fight for us.


I feel peace when i know this truth. Honestly a lot of times i feel that i dont have anything precious to offer to God anymore, but knowing this enables me to have the confidence in God.


Another truth i learn is that There is no way we can hide from God ( psalm 139 ), yet God never leaves me nor forsake me even though we sin.


Just knowing the truth is not enough to experience the freedom. We need to embrace it and to believe in it. Lately im craving for God more than anything else in this world. The joy of Entering His throne of grace is more than any happiness that we can find in this world. Prayer is not a routine or things to do anymore but prayer becomes something that we look forward to do. Too bad i dont have personal space at my apartment that a lot of times i have to pray in the toilet, haha..


I hope my little bit of sharing could help all of us see the real God, not the God from what we heard other people say, or the God from what we thought to be.


I have learnt to accept myself for who i am. Yes i have holes , weaknesses, and impurities, but i believe our God can slowly change me to be a more like Him. Like a plant that grows, rhe plant needs time to grow. We also need time to grow, change of character doesn come overnight, similarly, knowing God isnt an instant process but it's a lifetime process cos our God is too big, too magnificent and awesome for us to comprehend.


I remember my friend told me this, he said, when you confess your sin to God, you are forgiven, maybe you still remember what you had done, but God doesnt remember it no more. When you mention it to God, God will ask : which one? what are you talking about? The devil likes to condemn us with our past so that we can move on, that is why we need to know the truth to be a victor, to not be deceived by the devil. We are forgiven, we are cleansed and renewed. Hebrews 3:1 (NIV), “Fix your thoughts on Jesus.” Your thoughts can be the hardest battleground to fight for. Nevertheless, when you keep your thoughts fixed on Jesus, He will guard your heart and mind and keep you pure. When we fix our thoughts on Jesus, we do not dwell on the negative things of this world, but rather the positive attributes of the Kingdom of God. 
Hebrews 4: 1For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Hebrews tells us that Jesus is tempted in every way. He is not a God who doesnt understand our suffering, he does, and he understands us. But he was without sin, thus he is able to help us when we are tempted. All we need to do is to go to Him, He will always extend His hands to help us. 

I just want to end this sharing with a song from City Harvest Church called The God I Know 

When the stage is bare tonight
There's no one else
Just You and me
When the curtains close behind
There's no pretense
I'm on my knees

I will lay down my life
For the love sacrifice
You gave to me
It's all because of You
All because of You

The God I know
Righteous and Holy
The God I know
Faithful and true
The God I know
My tower of refuge
Hearts are healed
Christ revealed

The God I know
Light of the City
The God I know
Strengthens the weak
The God I know
Your heart beats within me
As You are, so are we

This is my cry
My one desire
More of You
More of You

The church He knows
Righteous and Holy
The church He knows
Is faithful and true
The church He knows
A tower of refuge
Hearts are healed
Christ revealed

The church He knows
Light of this city
The church He knows
Strengthens the weak
The church He knows
Is strong and mighty
As He is, so are we






All glory to God
Orange girl ^^

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