My journey with Christ

 It's amazing how God cares so much about our daily life. I think I have forgotten this somehow and only realise again now. My baby is a crybaby from birth. She hardly sleeps , whether naps or night sleep and it has always been a struggle for us. Everywhere I read , and told, you can never spoil a baby. However I am getting conflicting advice. Some people told us not to rock her to sleep because it will create a habit, but others said it's alright, you won't spoil her. Which route did we take? well since we can't sleep train her yet, we chose to just go with the flow. This includes patting, rocking, bouncing, singing, walking, you name it, everything we do just to get her to sleep. Most days we spent hours just trying to put her to sleep. Slowly I feel depressed. My back and arm hurt so much from carrying her. some days I had to take Panadol because it was affecting my sleep. I even went to Acupuncture and Chiro to help with this. Thanks to my mother in law I was able t...

 It has been a loooooong time since I last looked at my blog or write an entry. What made me think about visiting my blog was because I am going through some reflecting questions that we do for lifegroup. One of the questions was what difficult struggle did you have in the past and how did that affect your life? Because of that I started reading all my previous posts again and realise, wow, it has been 11 years since I started this blog! I can see how much I have grown as a person but also as a Christian. I feel a little embarrassed reading them, because I used to share everything and anything , but at the same time, I feel "jealous" of the old Orenjigaru. I used to be so passionate about Christ, even the very reason of publishing my stories online is to bless others. However these days I feel like I'm only looking in instead of looking out. I cared only for my own interests and hardly thought of how I can be a blessing for others. I also realise that I used to enjoy writ...

On July 16, 2020, I found out that I was pregnant. To be honest, it caught me totally by surprise. I have countless videos online on people's testimonies about symptoms before they got the positive test results and I did not feel a thing at all. In fact, I took the test because I was so sure that I was meant to have my period around that time but I still did not get it. I was anxious for a couple of days and this is not the normal anxiety, so I thought oh well, let's get it over and done with. Do the test and if it negative I will just move on with my life. After work, I went to the pharmacy and bought the cheapest but the stick that can detect early pregnancy. I want accurate test, but not willing  to spend the bucks 🙈. I have spent so much on these sticks previously and I don't want to make the same mistake again.  When the second line came up so clearly, ...

If you ask me a year ago, what do I imagine my 30s will be, I will answer without a doubt that I will be a mom, raising my child while working and serving God. When I started on this journey of trying to conceive , it never crosses my mind that I will be struggling, why not? because none of my family members have trouble conceiving. They all have at least 2 children, so why would I be an exception? It has been 1 year and 2 months since we have embarked on this journey and it has been the most painful , difficult and lonely journey I have ever been in. The emotion rollercoaster month after month is just unbearable and my heart goes out to all women who are also in this journey. To top it off, my colleague who is a lot older than me is now pregnant, my friends who were in the same journey as me are now also pregnant and I am still barren. I have literally lost friends who I feel like I can share with, can understand how I feel and can walk this journey together with me. When I think of ...

This year has been an interesting year so far, and for me, it has been a year full of turns and surprises. I wouldn't call myself a control freak, but certainly I would like to have some control in my life. When my plan has been turned around, one would imagine that it will cause me a lot of stress and anxiety. This is exactly what this year is all about.  When I envision 2020, I imagine that this year I would : 1. get pregnant or at least deliver a baby  2. visit Italy 3. continue my postgrad degree and working towards finishing it well, at least that was my plan.  But God has a completely different plan for us. My husband and I have been struggling to conceive for over a year now, and yes we have been to multiple doctors, try many different things, to which only brings pain and stress. We have decided finally that we will give it a break. Of course when I say a break , it is not really a break completely because as much as I would love for my brain ...

Another month has passed since I last posted about how I feel on my journey of trying to conceive. The previous cycle was quite devastating, I think I have reached my limit. I got angry at God, disappointed, frustrated and I felt bitter. I can't explain why I feel this way . I thought I will never be angry at God. After all isn't it silly to be angry at Him when He is all we have? I couldn't bring myself to pray, to hope and to have faith. I still believe that God is real and all, but I think my faith in this journey has been shaken terribly. Previous months, I was still able to pray to Him, able to still trust that He will bring forth His promises in my life. However, this month my faith was challenged. I could truly feel the spiritual war inside me. A part of me wanted to hold on to God and another part of me wanted to abandon this hope and faith thing altogether. This anger and disappointment lasted about 2 weeks since I found out that I am not pregnant (again). One da...

After we got married, my husband and I decided that we want to wait 1 year before we try to have baby. The reason behind this because my husband is not ready financially but also i am not ready mentally. I never thought that God will change my heart. I am always worried if I will not be a good mum, in fact, I never like children. I prayed to God that He will change me, so that I will be ready to be a mum. and he did just that. I am ready.  Finally, we both are ready. First month , I thought it would be easy. my work colleague who is much older than me conceived in the first go, surely if I follow her "way" I will be able to get pregnant. On my first month, I was hopeful. Especially my sister told me her dream of me having a baby and another friend who previously told me that I am holding a baby at my sister's wedding which was 6 months away. However, first month was horrible, not only I wasn't pregnant, my period pain was so bad and my period was a week late. Tha...

The year is about to end and i just want to recap all the good things the Lord has brought into my life this year . Earlier this year i got married to the man whom i have been praying for. He is far from perfect , in fact our relationship is far from perfect but i am grateful that God answered my prayers for a life partner who continuously seek His will and a man who works hard and loves his family. Our multiple weddings went smoothly We had our honeymoon in March then in April we had 2 weddings in one week after another , one in Medan and one in China. Im grateful for my family members who love me so much and prepared all this for me as well as my new acquired family members who treated me like their own.  This year i have also led a group in BSF, it was a struggle in the beginning of the year with many members dropping out , but thankful that God brought new members and we were able to bond very well.  In August, we bought a new car and again i just want to thank God fo...

Yesterday night, we had a combined lifegroup night where all young adults gathered and listened to Pastor sharing about the area of relationship. While the whole content is so good, i would like to share a particular section that helped me during this season of my life. Decision making framework. I am in the season where there are so many things to decide, for eg. should i move out from the current place we stay? When should we have kids? should i invest in this ? etc and many more in the coming months Hence this is the list: 1. Supremacy of scriptures : the word from God that direct this decision 2. spirit of the seeker : what is the motive behind this decision? do we come to God with the right motive and open heart? 3. Patience in prayer : will we persevere and wait in prayers? 4. Council of mature Christians : what do other godly Christian think about this decision? 5. Comfirmation of circumstances 6. Discipline of decision making 7. Presence of peace 8. signs of spirit ...

I got married on 24th Feb 2018 to a man that i have been praying for. Until today it still feels surreal that i am married and blessed with a man like him. I still remember those years i was struggling with relationships and my confidence in myself was very low. Now to think about that, it seems like a long time ago. What have i learnt throughout this whole wedding journey? 1. I have learnt that preparing a wedding is a hard work, but preparing a marriage is so much more important. To those girls out there who said that wedding preparation is fun, hmm... i salute you . Haha there were so many choices to be made, and there were so many things to think about. It makes me wonder, what does it take to build a godly marriage ? I believe it is through much more hardwork and prayers. Sometimes i wonder, have we missed the real marriage ? Couples spent so many hours preparing for their wedding yet so little effort in maintaining their marriage. Because of all this wedding planning i know th...

It's been a while since i last posted. Been caught up with wedding planning and some other things. Yes you guessed it! Im getting marrieddddd !!! So excited and blessed especially after all the drama that i have been through in my life. Thank God for giving me the chance to meet a wonderful guy and go through this season of life. When i first started going out with him, i did mentioned to him that my desire is that we can serve God in one ministry together one day. And we prayed about it, but probably not all the time, just a couple of times and sincerely asking God to show us the path. That was when i first moved to Sydney and finally able to be in the same church as him. But yet we still havent served in the same ministry as God calls me to serve as stage manager and him in logistics and camera. Though we are not serving in the same area we are both quite happy with the arrangement. Until about 3 months ago, we were both called into BSF leadership at the same time. Of course f...

After I moved from Melbourne, many adversities have had happened. Exactly 2 weeks after I moved, one morning I received a phone call from my existing housemate telling me that the new housemate who lived in my room has caused some problems. A guy came into the house early in the morning and had a huge fight with her and a few of her friends that she brought home to stay over. After that, I just heard one complain after another and have had so many griefs just trying to get her vacate my house, unfortunately there was nothing I can do to vacate her but just to wait till the lease ends and thankfully she has left my house now yet there are so many damage that she caused. I thought she is a good Christian girl but she was totally far from that. Also, another tenant decide not to move in so the rent I receive was a lot less than what I thought I would get. Additionally, i had appendicitis 3 weeks after i started my job. I couldnt get any sick leave because I have to work 3 mths before I ...

The most hectic time of my life i would say was August 2016. I had never been so stress and so under pressure. I trully experience being stretched and walking by faith. But on top of that God hands are all over the place. So from the beginning of the relationship we already planned that by end of 2016 im going to move to Sydney if it is God's will. It wasnt an unfamiliar situation for me because before meeting him ive heard God telling me to move several times but i just didnt know where and why. We chose end of the year because I need to commit to BSF and i had to be bridesmaid for a friend on Oct. During the performance review around May , my manager told me that the best time to apply job is around mid year and not wait till end of year because people dont normally hire during that time. I didnt really give much thought about it because i thought it was too early and my plan was to apply around end of August and September. Then around end of June my colleague kinda told...

It's rainy day today and stormy outside and that's exactly abit like how I feel like now, which I will elaborate abit later. I havent been updating my blog , my bad.. so much has been happening for the past 6 months and I have been busy with ministry and other stuff too. Currently what's occupying most of my time is my new relationship, BSF ministry and church as sunday school teacher. so lets start with my BSF ministry... Last year I was in Young Adults Class and was already prepared to lead a group this year, unfortunately God has another plan when the teaching leaders had to step down and the meeting is moved to Friday nights, which means it clashes with my cell group. As a result, I thought that I wont be leading the group this year, but just be a member. However, God has another plan. Not long after that I got contacted by the admin leader from the Women's Class, she challenged me to consider group leader position at the Women's class and so yea.. i am...

A little while ago i was very much burdened financially. It wasnt bad but for some reasons i havent been able to save because spending is so much more than savings. There have been multiple occasions of miscellaneous expenses. One of my concerns was the increasing parking price in the city. I have to go to city few times a week mainly due to ministry and church. It is not a huge amount but it still adds up. On one occasion as I was contacting my BSF members , one of the ladies told me that there is free parking very close to the church after 6.30pm. This means that I can save some expenses from now on. Really praise God for His provision ! I havent really prayed and asked for way out but from this i know God knows every details of my life and He cares even to the smallest details. I am very amazed at how much He cares.. it wasnt the amount that thrills me but the fact that He cares even to the minute stuff is what really blesses me. Whatever you need right now, know that Jesus is all...

This week has been a big week for me. Many things happened and the things that I thought will happen this year has changed direction somehow. Regardless, I am excited in many ways The highlight of this week is I experience God moment. What do I mean by that? Haha stay tuned. As I have been starting to change my prayer style to listening to God's voice, I feel that I have received so much words from God yet I couldnt help but wonder are they really from God or just my own feeling? Nevertheless I wrote all on  my journal daily. This week theres something significant in my life that happened that somehow was related to the Word I receive last year but I was indecisive and not sure to believe it or not.  Until these 2 incidents happen First one : I overslept and slept through my alarm on Tuesday. I have been having interrupted sleep for a while now and one of the nights was on that day. I normally wake up around 610am. I feel like someone is telling me that it is already 6.26...

About a week ago , the leader of the kids ministry at church contacted me and asked me if I could help teaching the younger kids (age 3 to 7) the coming sunday. I agreed to it because there was lack of teachers as this is holiday season even tho when I decided to join kids ministry I only sign up to teach older kids. The reason is because I know I am not good with kids. I dont have the skill and patient so maybe I think to myself, I can relate more to the older kids. So today I was supposed to be the assistant to the main teacher (this is only my second time teaching in kids ministry) . I was only in charge of choosing some songs and doing some dance. However, early in the morning the main teacher told me that she is sick. So i ended up having to take care of the class with an emergency teacher which is my pastor's wife. All the materials have been provided, like the crafts and videos , but still it's pretty much impromptu. The day before, ive already done some practice on th...

I flew to Bangkok 10 days ago for short trip holiday before going back to my hometown and then Jakarta to attend my bestfriend's wedding. During my visit in Bangkok, my make up bag was stolen. My bag was cut wide open without my knowledge and I only realised it when I reached my hotel. At that time I didnt know that I lost my makeup bag because I was so happy to see that I didnt lose my wallet and my mobilephone. I was praising God and all that night. Then next day I realise that I lost my makeup bag, to be honest i felt abit disappointed and felt abit "stupid" for thanking God (i know im bad ... -_- ). The reason for being upset was because my bestie just gave me a lipbalm and oil blotting paper from Japan 2 days before i lost it, and a Swarovski pen i got from my sister, and a few other stuff in there.thou wallet and phone sound more important, for me the makeup bag carries special meaning ( including the bag itself cos it was handmade). Anyway thou i felt abit disapp...

ournalling my daily walk with God on my phone since the first day I broke up and would like to share some here, hope it might encourage some of you in any difficult situations you are in right now: 30 August 2015 - the day before I broke up , when my emotion was in turmoil Today church sermon is about managing your emotion Colosians 3 :13 says let peace of God rule your heart The sermon also says identify your emotion then challenge it Dont let your emotion control you The song really strengthens me too Chorus PertolonganMu begitu ajaib Kau t'lah memikat hatiku Disaat aku tak sanggup lagi Disitu tanganMu bekerja PertolonganMu begitu ajaib Kini mataku tertuju padaMu Kurasakan kasihMu Tuhan 31 Aug 2015 - I will strengthen you and help you Today again from salt and light (devotion at work), the message i receive is Isa 41:8-10 ... for i have chosen you And will not throw you away Dont be afraid , for i am with you Dont be discouraged for i am your God I w...